The Prudent Woman

Day Twenty-Four--Coupons

2011-01-25T11:36:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Twenty-Four.

Coupons.

It has been nearly two years since I entered the world of coupons and I am ever grateful for them. They have allowed me to feed my family for much less and build up my 3 month supply. I love the challenge they possess as I scout for the best deal and the feeling of excitement when I get things I need for free or nearly free.

They have truly been a blessing to my budget.

Day Twenty-Three--A New Bed.

2011-01-18T11:19:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Twenty-Three.

A New Bed.

When my husband and I got married we trade two uneven twin mattress for a used queen with the intention of replacing it with a king bed. Well, nearly nine years later, we FINALLY got our king bed and can I just say that it is oh so wonderful. After waking up every morning with a sore back for the last year or so, it is so nice to be able to wake up well rested and not sore.

I love my new bed. I love that there is still room for both my husband and I if one of our children is also in bed with us. I love that my husbands feet no longer hang over the edge. I love not sinking into the middle.

I am very, very grateful to be able to have a nice, new bed.

Day Twenty Two--Good Books

2011-01-10T19:07:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Twenty-Two.

Good Books.

For as long as I can remember I have loved reading. One of my favorite things is to lose myself in a good book and while I no longer have the luxury of reading for hours non-stop or deep into the night, I still enjoy it immensely. I am grateful for the books that make me think and want to do better, I am grateful for the books that take me to far away places and imaginary worlds and I am grateful for the books that are just fluff--just something fun to read that requires no thought.

My oldest daughter is also an avid reader and I am excited to start sharing some of my favorite books with her. I cannot imagine a life without books.

Here are my top ten:
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
The Septimus Heap Series by Angie Sage
The Spook's Series by Joseph Delaney
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
Fablehaven by Brandon Mull
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
The Stephanie Plum Series by Janet Evanovich

And yes, I realize most of them are series.

Day Twenty-One--New Pots and Pans

2011-01-08T21:02:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Twenty-One.

New Pots and Pans.

The first Christmas my husband and I were married he gave me a set of pots and pans--my first matching set; I was ecstatic. He later told me how the sales women ineffectively tried to steer him toward jewelry, telling him over and over how a new bride would much rather get jewelry than cookware. I was so thankful that my husband new me much better than some random sales woman, whom I'm sure would have preferred jewelry herself over something as useless as pots and pans.

My current pots and pans were looking pretty sad and badly needed to be replaced, but I kept putting it off, so I was excited when my husband gave me a new set of really nice stainless steel pots and pans for Christmas. I am grateful to have nice cookware to prepare food for my family and I am grateful that I have a husband who still knows me better than anyone else.

Day Twenty--Nursing

2011-01-07T07:32:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Twenty.

Nursing.

I can remember the first time I nursed all my children. Raena and Ellawyn quietly latched on and watched me while they suckled. Allie was so mad at being born that she screamed for the first hour and when I finally got her calmed down enough to latch on, it was time for her to go to the nursery. Haydn growled at me the entire time, like a little puppy protecting his food.
I have had the opportunity to nurse all of my children and have done so with relative ease, for which I am also grateful. My first daughter weened herself at eight months and I was so saddened to have to give up that bond so soon. My second and third I nursed for 18 and 22 months and got to experience the joys of nursing a toddler, which is an experience all in itself. I am still nursing my 8 1/2 month son, despite a nursing strike at 5 months which lasted several days.
Being able to nurse my children has brought me such joy. I love the milk drunk look of infants, the crazy nursing positions of toddlers, watching my children fall asleep at the breast. It has all been such a wonderful experience and I am grateful that I was given it. And while I am sad that this is the last baby I will ever nurse, I am grateful for all the positive nursing experiences I have to look back on.

Day Nineteen--Health

2011-01-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Nineteen.

Health.

As my family fell ill to the various winter illnesses, it made me really appreciate our health. Sure, on occasion we get sick, but for the most part, we are all healthy all the time. None of us suffer from a chronic illness. We have no mental or physical disabilities. We are healthy and I am extremely grateful for that. I am grateful we are not buried in medical debt or dependant upon prescriptions. I am thankful that I do not have to watch my children or spouse suffer and I am grateful that we recover quickly when we do get sick.

Day Eighteen--Date Night

2010-12-30T19:36:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Eighteen.

Date Night.

While we have been encouraged to have a weekly date night, my husband and I rarely are able to do this. However, we do try to get out by ourselves, without children, at least once a month. While I love my children and enjoy spending time with them, I am grateful for the opportunity to recharge my marriage with some adult time. My husband and I both look forward to our "mini-vacations." They give us an opportunity to reconnect and also a break from the rigors of parenting. I find I am a much better mother when I am able to go on regular dates with my husband. They also help to strengthen my marriage. Some months get so hectic, I'm not sure where a date night will fit in, but I know those are the months when I need it the most.

Day Seventeen--Laughing Gas

2010-12-16T19:02:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Seventeen.

Laughing Gas.

The first time I ever remember going to a dentist, I was about six and had a tooth that abscessed. The dentist, in an effort to calm me told me that his drill was a motorcycle and he was going to put it in my mouth. The thought of having a motorcycle in my mouth was terrifying and I began to cry. He then yelled at me and told me to quit acting like a baby. I've had no great love for dentists since and going to the dentist still brings me great anxiety. So I am very grateful to have a wonderful dentist who acknowledges dental anxiety in her patients and offers laughing gas during treatment. Without it, I think I would be a complete basket case.

Day Sixteen--Sunset

2010-12-14T18:57:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Sixteen.

Sunset.

After a long day, I love watching the sun set behind the mountains. The array of colors splashed across the sky. Pinks, oranges, blues. It is so calming and so beautiful. It is the perfect ending to my day. After a particularly stressful day I am even more grateful for the picturesque scene before me.

Day Fifteen--Sleep

2010-12-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

Day Fifteen--The Gratitude Project

Sleep.

The first time I ever got pregnant, people kept telling me, "Get as much sleep as you can. You won't get any once the baby comes." I remember thinking, "Between morning sickness and getting up to pee, I can't sleep anyway." For me, my sleeplessness has always started once I got pregnant and carried over until the baby slept through the night.
Haydn is 8 1/2 months now and just recently started sleeping through the night. For months on end he was waking up every hour. I could barely function through the day. My husband was going in later and later to work because in the morning after we were all up was the only time he could get a solid couple hours of sleep. It was horrid.
Since my previous two daughters didn't start sleeping through the night until after I was pregnant with the next one (although, they were never as bad as Haydn) it's been over 6 years since I have slept uninterrupted through the night. So, I've been extremely grateful for these last couple nights and look forward to more.

Day Fourteen--Christmas Lights

2010-12-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

Day Fourteen--The Gratitude Project

Christmas Lights.

Every year there is one neighborhood, aptly named Winterhaven, that goes all out with Christmas lights and decorations. My husband and I have tried to make it a yearly event, but we haven't always been able to make it and missed the last year or two.
This year we were able to go and it was so much fun. Girls were older and enjoyed the lights more. It was fun to watch their eyes light up from one house to the next and listen to them "ooh" and "ahh" in excitement. There was one house in particular that went over and above. They had a full light and water show set up to music. It was awesome!
I love the magical feeling of Christmas lights and the joy they bring. I love spending time with my family and I love how my children's eyes light up with awe and wonder at the beauty they provide.

Day Thirteen--Chocolate Shakes

2010-12-11T20:03:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Project--Day Thirteen.

Chocolate Shakes.

Today was one of those days. You know the ones where you just want to run screaming and cry? In an effort to get the last of the materials needed for our Christmas gifts, my husband and I took all four children shopping. The baby behaved wonderfully. The other three? Well, they were rowdy and whinny and made shopping completely miserable. By the end of it, we had gone to several stores trying to find what we needed, only to give up in exasperation because there was no way we were braving another store with all our children in tow.
So when we stopped at McDonald's on the way home and got chocolate shakes (for me and RJ) it was much appreciated. I was grateful for the two minutes of alone time I got while I went in to order and for the chocolaty goodness afterwards.
Sometimes, you just need chocolate to turn the day around.

The Gratitude Project--Ellawyn

2010-12-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

Day Twelve--The Gratitude Project

Ellawyn.

My little girl turned three this week. Such a big age for such a little girl. She was so excited to be three and to be "big like sisters." I love her spirit and her spunk. She is my best helper around the house. She loves doing things with mommy. She is constantly making me laugh. Like when she tells "knock, knock" jokes that she makes up, and although they themselves aren't really funny, you just can't help but laugh when she points her finger at you afterwards and says, "Now, that's a joke!" She is like fresh sunshine and I am grateful for the rays of light and laughter she brings into our home.

Day Eleven--Tithing

2010-12-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

Day Eleven--The Gratitude Project

Tithing.

When I was investigating the Church, one of the things I was most excited for was the opportunity to pay tithing. I couldn't wait to start receiving the blessings of paying a full tithe. Many in my family and even friends outside the Church didn't (and still don't) quite understand my enthusiasm. After all, a lot can be done with ten per cent of one's income. However, I know that I can do more with the ninety per cent left over than I could if I had kept the ten.
I have received so many blessing that have come from paying tithing. On a regular basis we are blessed with the ability to meet all our needs, even when on paper it may not work. On several occasions I have been able to make a weeks worth of groceries last two weeks (or more), when I know they shouldn't have. We have had a couple months when we were met with hundreds of dollars worth of unexpected bills, only to receive unexpected refunds close to the same amount. The Lord is constantly pouring out blessings, like when RJ received a raise at work after his company had sent out a memo with a strict "no raise" policy for the year.
I know the Lord blesses us when we pay our tithing and I am grateful for those blessings and for the opportunity I have to pay tithing.

Day Ten--Jeans That Fit

2010-12-08T19:34:00.000-08:00

Day Ten--The Gratitude Project

Jeans That Fit.

Ok, this may seem a bit shallow, but I am really grateful to have jeans that fit. After each pregnancy I end up being a different size/shape than before and so pants that fit me prior never look as good after. Top it off with losing pregnancy weight and it's just disastrous. So nearly eight months post-partum, I figured I am done losing all the "easy" weight (i.e., the weight that comes off simply because you're not pregnant and nursing) and went and bought several pairs of jeans. Not only do I look nicer in them, but I feel better too.
So, shallow or not, I'm grateful to have jeans that fit the body I have now and not the one I used to have.

Day Nine--Primary Teachers

2010-12-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

Day Nine--The Gratitude Project

Primary Teachers.

When my daughter Raena entered Primary, we were certain she'd love it. When it came Allie's turn, we were not so certain. The ward we were presently in had a rotating cast of primary teachers for Sunbeams and Allie doesn't adjust well to change. She spent her first several months refusing to go at all unless one of our friends, who was serving as the secretary, sat with her the entire time. I am very grateful to that sister. When we moved shortly after I was again concerned, but once again Allie was blessed with wonderful primary teachers, who were not only constant, but who loved and nurtured her.
Last year we switched wards again when we bought our house and one again Allie was blessed with a wonderful primary teacher. Her current teacher has a 40 minute drive to church, but she is there every Sunday. On the Sunday's she cannot make it, she lets the kids know in advance and sends them a post card from where ever she visits saying she misses them and what she's doing. Allie looks forward to receiving these each time she's gone.
I feel truly blessed for the wonderful teachers my girls have had. I am thankful for the consistency in teachers in Allie's classes when there have been other classes with a rotating substitute. I am grateful to these sisters who help to instill a love for the gospel in my children by loving them and sharing with them their own testimonies each week.

Day Eight--Generosity of Others

2010-12-06T23:17:00.000-08:00

Day Eight--The Gratitude Project

Generosity of Others.

When my oldest children were younger, I had casually mentioned at one point to my in-laws that I hoped one day my girls would be able to take piano lessons, which of course meant acquiring a piano some time in the future. Not long after, my husband and mother-in-law surprised me by moving her old piano down to our little apartment one Christmas. I was so thrilled. Of course, I don't play and my girls were still too young to take lessons, but we had it for when the time came.
As my oldest daughter became old enough to take lessons, I started looking around for a teacher, but lessons were expensive and she hadn't shown any real interest, so I let it go. I thought, "If she ever really wants to learn, then we'll find a place in the budget for lessons."
Late last year, my middle daughter came home asking to take piano lessons after watching one of the mothers in our ward give piano lessons. Of course, that meant my oldest daughter also wanted lessons. I approached my friend and asked her how much she charged for lessons and was told she usually just barters. She was willing to teach both my girls piano in exchange for baked goods.
So every Monday my oldest girls head over to Sister R's for piano lessons and I provide baked goods. My youngest daughter has developed an interest in piano from watching her sisters play and often sits down to "practice."
I am grateful to the generosity of my mother-in-law and Sister R which has allowed the gift of music into my home and I am thankful for Sister R's willingness to donate her time and talent to teach my children.

Day Seven--Women in the Scriptures

2010-12-05T23:55:00.000-08:00

Day Seven--The Gratitude Project

Women in the Scriptures.
I was seven months pregnant with my first child the first time I think I really noticed and connected to a woman in the scriptures. We were watching The Forgotten Carols and for the first time I wondered what Mary must have been feeling as she traveled from her home and her family so close to the birth of her child.
On Sunday our Relief Society put on a lovely program of the Savior's birth from the view point of the women involved. The Spirit was strong as you listened to the story told from the perspective of the wives of the inn keeper and shepperd's, Joseph's mother, Elizabeth and finally Mary. So often these women in the scriptures are overlooked because they only appear in the background, but we can learn just as much from them. So I'm grateful to our Relief Society for helping us to remember these wonderful women.

Day Six--A Successful Party

2010-12-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

Day Six--The Gratitude Project

A Successful Party.

Today we celebrated my six year old's birthday party. The morning began with all three girls being incredibly ornery to each other. I was quite worried their nasty attitudes would carry over to the party, but that didn't seem to be the case.

This was Allie's first big party and first themed party. The last several weeks, she has been crazily into Taylor Swift, which is rather humorous since she didn't actually know who she was at first. All she talked about was having a Taylor Swift party, which is much harder than it seems, since there really isn't any Taylor Swift party paraphernalia out there. So I am very grateful to my friend and neighbor who agreed to teach a gaggle of girls a line dance to one of her songs.

Line Dancing

I am also grateful to the parents of one of the girls who came who went completely out of their way to make sure their daughter could come (she was supposed to be staying with her dad in another town and he drove down so he could bring her to the party first.). Allie would have been so sad if she couldn't have made it. I am grateful that all the girls got along, especially since they didn't all know each other. And lastly, I am grateful to my wonderful husband for taking care of the baby so I could focus on the girls.

Day Five--Nap Time

2010-12-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

Day Five--The Gratitude Project

Nap Time.

Yesterday and today, I had a lot to do in preparation for my daughters party tomorrow. Mostly, it involved cleaning. . .and more cleaning. And both yesterday and today, my 7 1/2 month old son has taken wonderfully long naps that have allowed me to accomplish those things I need to do without feeling like I am neglecting him. I can tend to him and play with him while he's awake and not be thinking the whole time that I need to be cleaning. It's a little thing, but I am grateful.

Stars

2010-12-02T11:21:00.000-08:00

Day Four--The Gratitude Project

Stars.

I am grateful for the stars, not just for their austere beauty and light in the darkness, but for the memories they hold and remind me of on a nightly basis.

Shortly before my husband and I began dating we took an evening astronomy class together. Every night for two weeks we would meet at the high school to learn the names of different constellations and attempt to locate a star in the telescope. During our courtship, we would often spend the evenings gazing up at the stars, naming the constellations we knew and making up names for the ones we didn't. I still remember the constellation we named as "ours."

When I went off to college there was so much light pollution at night that you couldn't see many stars and I missed them terribly. I loved the opportunities I got that allowed me to venture past the city lights where stars filled the nighttime sky. They reminded me of home, but mostly they reminded me of my husband who was in still in school back home. They brought him closer, when he was so far away.
I am blessed now to live in a place where I can see the stars at night. My husband and I still like to reminisce about those early dating days and the nights we spent under the stars.

Day Three--Warmth

2010-12-01T16:19:00.000-08:00

Day Three--The Gratitude Project

Warmth.

I am fortunate enough to live in Arizona where we really only experience two seasons--summer and almost summer. While I love the look of snow covered mountains, I am quite content to enjoy it from a distance or in pictures. The first day we arrived to visit family over Thanksgiving was the coldest day all year as temperatures dropped below freezing and the rest of the week proceeded to get colder. Added to that was the fact that both our families live in older houses where the heating is not up to par. So if you were bundled up and standing in front of the heater, you were warm, otherwise, not so much. This week we are back home where I had to take my jacket off after going shopping because it was too warm with it on. I love that. I am so grateful to be able to live in an area where there are days I can go outside without a coat in the middle of winter, especially since I get cold very easily. So after a week of cold, I am grateful for the warmth of a nice sunny day.

Day Two--Allie

2010-11-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

Day Two.

Allie.

This is Allie. She is our little spit-fire. When she was little we affectionately called her Allie-gator and in time the nickname came to be fitting as she would (and still does) snap at you with no warning. She is a roller coaster of emotions and thus far, is my most trying child. There is often much wailing and gnashing of teeth between the two of us. However, out of all my children, she is the one who makes me humble myself most often and turn to the Lord for help in parenting and because of it I am a better mother to all my children. She is the one who causes me to practice patience and compassion on a daily basis. And while she is stubborn and ornery, she is also kind, loving, compassionate, determined, smart and funny. I love that she experiences life so fully and that she is not afraid to feel. She makes me be a better mother and so today, I am thankful for Allie and her many moods, without which life would be humdrum.

Happy Birthday, Allie!

Day One--My Washing Machine

2010-11-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

Day 1.

My Washing Machine

My grandmother used to keep an old wash board in the space between her washing machine and the wall. It was always an object of fascination for me. I remember one day when I was about 10, deciding I was going to use the wash board to clean my clothes. I filled the bathtub with water, grabbed my dirty clothes and the wash board and went to work. After one shirt, I was done. Bending over was uncomfortable and the ridges used to clean the clothes hurt my hands. I unceremoniously dumped the rest of my clothes into the washing machine.

So, today, I am thankful for my washing machine, because it allows me to spend more time with my family than I would have if I had to wash clothes by hand. It saves my knuckles from being red and raw and my back from being sore and it provides clean clothes for my family with little effort on my part.

The Gratitude Project

2010-11-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

I loved President Monson's talk on Gratitude last month and since then, have had numerous talks on showing gratitude more in our lives. When I saw that my friend joined The Gratitude Project, posting one thing every day that you are grateful for, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to express my gratitude, so I have joined in.

2011 will be a year of gratitude, but since this is also the season for giving thanks, I'm going to start today. So look forward to 398 days of gratitude.

Breast vs. Bottle: Support for Both

2010-09-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

We sat on the couch, my friend and I, both expecting our first child and listened while our other friend, who after five years of infertility treatment, had finally been placed with a five month old girl to adopt, told us of a woman at the store who came up and while she was fixing her daughter a bottle of formula told her that if she really loved her child she would be nursing instead.
My friend was understandably angry and hurt. She didn't see why she should have to explain why she was using formula, after all, what business was it of this stranger that her daughter was adopted?

While pregnant with my third child, I was dispensing breastfeeding advice to a young mother pregnant with her first child. My friend, who had two older children well past nursing age, quickly added, "I couldn't nurse either of mine. My body just doesn't make enough milk." I found it odd that after all these years, she still felt the need to justify and explain her decision to bottle feed.

I love nursing. I love the joy it brings and the closeness I feel to my child. I experience great pleasure in being able to nurse my child; however, I know that not all women feel this way. I also know that not all women who would like to nurse are able.

I definitely support breast feeding and while I wish more women would do it, it is not for me to judge them if they choose not to, because honestly, I do not know their reasons for choosing to bottle feed.

Yes, it saddens me when I hear of women who simply don't nurse for vain reasons, but I have no right to assume that I am a better mother than they simply because I nurse and they do not. Nor should I look with disdain upon the mother I don't know who is handing her child a bottle of formula; I know neither her nor her circumstance. We as women need to learn to encourage and support each other in our differences, not tear each other down because "your way is not my way." Aside from being destructive, it is simply not Christlike and after all, isn't that who we are trying to emulate?

Worry No More

2010-07-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

I love the story of Hannah in the Old Testament (1 Samuel 1-2). I am in awe of the exceeding faith and strength she possessed. One of the versus I think speaks to her character is found shortly after she has been pleading with the Lord for a son and the priest Eli, after accusing her of being drunk, tells her to go in peace and the Lord will grant her petition. It reads, ". . .So the woman went her way, and did eat, and her countenance was no more sad." (italics mine) It is a great reminder to me to leave my worries with the Lord.

How often do we pray for something and then continue to carry it about with us agonizing over it instead of leaving it with the Lord?

Special Notes

2010-06-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

Being nine months pregnant this past General Conference, I was particularly sensitive to the talks about mothers, more specifically the ones which mentioned mothers dying either in childbirth or young, leaving behind small children to care for. It was similar to being pregnant for the first time and having everyone tell you their birthing horror stories right before you deliver (why do women do this?). Needless to say, I unnecessarily fretted over my demise while delivering for a short while.

After I had my son a couple weeks later, I was talking with a friend who delivered a week after me and laughing over my reaction to those talks. She mentioned that she had had the same reaction and had even wondered if she should write her children letters should something happen.

Her comment about writing her children letters made me think. I keep a journal and I have a family blog, so that some day my posterity can look back and have a good laugh at how things "used to be," but rarely ever are they directed toward a specific child, for that specific child. Each of my children are different. They have different personalities, different strengths, and different weaknesses. They simply have different needs. What a great way to share my testimony, offer advise or point out the many individual things that make them unique than to write a letter addressed to each one. One they can keep and reread when needed.

I recently took the opportunity to write a letter to my oldest three, ages 7, 5, and 2. They were so excited to get a "special note" from mom telling them the things I appreciated about them. It was good for me as well to reflect on those things that make each of my children special. It is something I hope to continue doing and hopefully they will continue to look forward to special notes from mom.

Raising Righteous Children

2010-05-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last couple weeks pouring over the conference talks in this months Ensign. Many of them whether directly or indirectly seemed to center around the family, and more so the role of the mother in the lives of her children. It is a great responsibility we bear to raise our children in righteousness and to teach them in such a way that they recognize and want to choose the right choice.

I know with my own children I often find myself frustrated because I know which choice is right--and I have to remind myself that the desire to force them to make the right choice is not of the Lord, but the influence of Satan whose plan it was to take away all our choices. I am constantly reminding myself that it is better to allow them mistakes while they are young, since the consequences--while they may seem harsh to them--are a lot more forgiving in youth than in adulthood.

It is hard at times to allow them to experience those consequences, especially when I can take them away or when it feels like punishing them punishes me as well. But I know that it is necessary for them to learn, just as our Father in Heaven allows us to stumble and learn for ourselves. But sometimes, it is oh so very hard and my heart breaks as I have to watch the tears that result from a bad choice. Which makes me even more determined to teach them how to recognize and make right choices, because the heartbreak (for them and me) will be even greater when they're older as well, I'm sure.

I am very grateful that with the huge responsibility motherhood brings I have the Gospel and the guidance of the Holy Ghost to help me. I think otherwise I might fail.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-28T19:38:00.001-07:00

Our newest addition.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

Savor

2010-03-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

I look on as the numbers on our digital clock change from 7:59pm to 8:00pm. I have now spent a full hour putting my two year old to bed. Part of me is frustrated because this newly extended bedtime routine is taking up the only time I have to spend alone with my husband or just unwind by myself. Another part knows I should savor these last moments I have alone with my daughter before the baby comes and they become far less.

I understand she is sensing that the time is close when she will have to share mommy with a new baby and will no longer be the baby herself. Each of my girls has experienced this phase as I near the end of a pregnancy. The desire to be closer and get those last few baby moments in before they become the big sister.

Sometimes, my patience is tried, but even during these nights I simply cannot bear to let her "cry it out." Hearing my child stand at the door and cry, "Mommy, I need you. I want to rock two minutes." weakens all my defenses and undoubtedly, I find myself climbing the stairs and taking her to rock for "two minutes." It is during these times when I am exhausted and just wish she would go to sleep, that I try to remind myself that shortly I will have a new baby to rock and I should savor the time I have now to rock and sing lullaby's while I am able because I know it won't always be this way and I will miss it once it's gone.

Where's the Faucet?

2010-02-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

I often find, when I go visiting teaching, that I come back learning more than I taught. This past weekend while sharing our message, the sister we were visiting, Sister B, made this comment: "There are people who always look at life with a 'glass-half-full' mentality. When I notice my glass is half full, I immediately start thinking, 'Ok, where's the faucet?'" And I thought, how lovely. What a great way to think. So the next time you feel like your glass is half empty, instead of spending time lamenting, remember to look for the faucet.

Girl-In-A-Whirl

2010-01-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

The Girl in a Whirl

by ‘Dr. Sue’ (a.k.a. Vickie Gunther)

Look at me, look at me, look at me now!

You could do what I do

If you only knew how.

I study the scriptures one hour each day;

I bake, I upholster, I scrub, and I pray.

I always keep all the commandments completely;

I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly.

I help in their classrooms!

I sew all they wear!

I drive them to practice!

I cut all their hair!

I memorize names of the General Authorities;

I focus on things to be done by priorities.

I play the piano!

I bless with my talents!

My toilets all sparkle!

My checkbooks all balance!

Each week every child gets a one-on-one date;

I attend all my meetings (on time! Never late!)

I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul,
But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all .

I track my bad habits ’til each is abolished;

Our t-shirts are ironed!

My toenails are polished!

Our family home evenings are always delightful;

The lessons I give are both fun and insightful.

I do genealogy faithfully, too.

It’s easy to do all the things that I do!

I rise each day early, refreshed and awake;

I know all the names of each youth in my stake!

I read to my children!

I help all my neighbors!

I bless the community, too, with my labors.

I exercise and I cook menus gourmet;

My visiting teaching is done the first day!

(I also go do it for someone who missed hers.

It’s the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.)

I chart resolutions and check off each goal;

I seek each “lost lamb” on my Primary roll.

I can home-grown produce each summer and fall.

But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all .

I write in my journal!

I sing in the choir!

Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire.

My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen!

My kids get straight A’s!

And their bedrooms are clean!

I have a home business to help make some money;

I always look beautifully groomed for my honey.

I go to the temple at least once a week;

I change the car’s tires!

I fix the sink’s leak!

I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread;

I have all our meals planned out six months ahead.

I make sure I rotate our two-years’ supply;

My shopping for Christmas is done by July!

These things are not hard;

’tis good if you do them;

You can if you try!

Just set goals and pursue them!

It’s easy to do all the things that I do!

If you plan and work smart, you can do them all, too!

It’s easy!” she said

and then she dropped dead.

This poem was read in one of our Relief Society meetings and then emailed out to us and I thought I would share. Too often I feel we as woman beat ourselves up for not being able to do it all. We see all the awesome things other women next to us can do and forget to take into account the possibilities of their own inadequacies and struggles. We don't have to do everything. We just have to do our best at those things we can do.

Are You Prepared?

2010-01-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

I've been pondering a lot on self-reliance lately. Both the temporal and spiritual kind. This past year was really the first year that I really put any effort into building our food storage. My goal was to accumulate our three month supply and while I'm not quite there yet, I am fairly close and should be able to finish it and start on our year supply this year. But food storage isn't entirely what I want to write about.

Last night my visiting teaching companion and I went out to visit one of our sisters. It was her turn to give the lesson and she focused on being spiritually self-reliant. I had read the lesson and even the article in the Ensign that she then quoted from. Earlier in the day I had read a past Conference talk centered on building your one year supply in one year. It was an excellent talk and two of the quotes that stuck out to me were on fears I have heard voiced many times by members of the Church--do I have to share with my neighbors and what about those who would try to plunder our food storage.

The response was as follows: "I should like to address a few remarks to those who ask, “Do I share with my neighbors who have not followed the counsel? And what about the nonmembers who do not have a year’s supply? Do we have to share with them?” No, we don’t have to share—we get to share! Let us not be concerned about silly thoughts of whether we would share or not. Of course we would share! What would Jesus do? I could not possibly eat food and see my neighbors starving. And if you starve to death after sharing, “greater love hath no man than this …” (John 15:13.)
Now what about those who would plunder and break in and take that which we have stored for our families’ needs? Don’t give this one more idle thought. There is a God in heaven whom we have obeyed. Do you suppose he would abandon those who have kept his commandments? He said, “If ye are prepared, ye need not fear.” (D&C 38:30.) Prepare, O men of Zion, and fear not. Let Zion put on her beautiful garments. Let us put on the full armor of God. Let us be pure in heart, love mercy, be just, and stand in holy places. "

As I was listening to my companion, those two paragraphs popped into my head and I realized that unless we are spiritually self-reliant, we will not be prepared to share what we have or have the faith necessary to "fear not."

The focus so often is on being temporally self-reliant--making sure we are building a food storage, paying off and staying out of debt, having an emergency fund. While these are all good and necessary things to strive for we must not forget to also be working on being spiritually self reliant. We must nurture our own testimonies and help them to grow. We must learn for ourselves first how to seek the Lord and receive answers to prayers. Only then, can we be ready to help our families and others.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-01-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

High Five Meme

2010-01-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

I got tagged for my first Meme. Thanks to Northside Mum for tagging me!

My Top 5 of 2009

1. This was the year we were able to buy our first house. The process was, in the least, a roller coaster of emotion. (I definitely don't recommend trying to get pregnant while buying a house.) However, I LOVE owning my own home. We found a great house, in a great neighborhood, with a great ward. I couldn't be happier. We love living in a small town again with a family centered community.

2. We got pregnant with our fourth (and most likely final) child and after three girls, found out we will be having our first boy. We're still wrapping our heads around this one. In addition, this pregnancy has been awesome. Morning sickness subsided around 15 weeks, instead of lasting the entire 9 months and I must say it's rather nice. For the most part, I've felt completely normal, even forgetting at times I'm expecting. I'm hoping the next three months follow suit.

3. I found the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" and was able to better understand and relate to my now five year old. It gave me the insight I needed to be a better mother for her. And while we still have our moments, I no longer end every day with a tension headache. The book was really quite a blessing.

4. In our attempt to get out of debt, we were able to sell our jeep (which is a bit bittersweet, because we loved it.) and pay cash for a more economical commuter car for my husband. This eliminated $3800 in debt and freed up $200 a month to go towards other debt. We're hoping to get most of our credit cards paid off this year.

5. I started a food storage and have almost finished my three month supply. I have enjoyed having a better stocked pantry (and the space to store it in!) and look forward to completing it and starting on my year supply in 2010.

So there you have it, my highlights for 2009. Here's my high five:

1. The Winget Files
2. Musings of Mommy Bee
3. Women in the Scriptures
4. A Poor College Students Guide to Raising a Baby
5. Kayce's Doula Journey

Flippant Sorries

2010-01-07T13:18:00.000-08:00

As a mother, I do my best to encourage and teach my children good manners and instill in them values such as being compassionate and caring. When they hurt someone or do something wrong, I have them apologize. My problem lately, has been getting them to mean the apology. They have taken to treating each other and others how they please and then passing off a flippant "sorry," almost as an afterthought, with no sincerity whatsoever. When I call them on it, I usually get an, "I said I'm sorry!" response. I've tried to explain to them that "sorry" doesn't make it better, but that you have to also feel sorry. Any ideas on how to better instill this value to a five and six year old?

Reflections on Mary

2009-12-22T13:37:00.000-08:00

This is the second time that I will be pregnant for Christmas. The first time was when I was pregnant with my oldest child. Until then, I don't think I had given much thought to Mary and what she must have been going though or thinking as she traveled with her husband, riding on a donkey and heavy with child. But that Christmas, being pregnant with my first child, I was able for the first time to really see Mary as a young mother about to give birth to her firstborn. I wondered how she must have felt knowing she would give birth any day and wouldn't have the support of her mother or other women. I wondered if she complained about the uncomfortable journey on a donkey. If she prayed the baby would wait to come until they had reached their destination, so she wouldn't give birth or be in labor while traveling. I thought about how she must have felt as they were turned away again and again and she discovered she would be birthing her son in a stable. I wondered how much assurance she had from the Lord that all would be well and how much faith she had and I was grateful for all that she must have gone through so that we could have a Savior.
This Christmas, I am pregnant with our fourth child, our first son, and once again I am thankful for Mary, for her righteousness and faith and willingness to mother the Christ child.

Kindergarten Dating

2009-12-16T15:20:00.000-08:00

For those who are familiar with the Mormon faith, you will know that when it comes to dating, we have fairly strict protocol. Most parents do not allow their children to date before the age of 16, and even then many are not allowed to have 'serious' relationships. Prior to having children, my husband and I agreed we would hold our children to these standards. What we did not anticipate, however, was how soon we would have to start enforcing these rules. Just prior to our oldest daughter starting kindergarten last year, she and my husband got into quite an argument over whether or not she could date. At 5, she felt it was perfectly fine for her to have a boyfriend. So, we had to explain. She could have boys who were friends, but she could not have a boyfriend until she was 16. All year, we heard of so-and-so who liked so-and-so and they were boyfriend and girlfriend. We heard about so-and-so who kissed so-and-so or wanted to kiss her. And all year we explained why that wasn't ok for her.
I currently participate in a preschool co-op and have a little boy and girl who have decided they are boyfriend/girlfriend. Now, I understand that a 4 year olds definition of "boyfriend/girlfriend" is quite different that a 16 year olds, but I don't feel I should encourage the behavior. Even at a young age they are trying to emulate what they see their parents do. I often find them holding hands and embracing. So, my question is this, am I over reacting to a simple childhood crush? Or am I right to discourage the behavior as being inappropriate?

Christmas Decorations

2009-12-03T11:59:00.000-08:00

I love the Christmas season, and like most Christians at this time of year, I am trying to make sure that Christ is what is emphasized in what has sadly become a very secular holiday, dressed up to be about Santa and gifts. I don't mind Santa visiting my Christmas, but I don't want him in the starring role, more like just a cameo. I do, however, want Christ front and center, right where he belongs. I have few, if any Santa decorations, which suits me fine as the decorations I do have center around Christ or simply the season in general. Seeing as this will be our first Christmas in our new house and also our first Christmas not in a tiny apartment, my small stash of Christmas decorations seems even smaller. I had never looked much at decorations in the past, since we didn't have much room to decorate and most of the ones I have, are gifts that were given or made. This year, however, I thought it might be nice to add a few things. Not many, because I hate Christmas turning into a reason to spend money. I have been disappointed in looking, however, as many of the decorations are either Santa based or snowmen. Not that those are awful decorations, some were quite nice. It's just that I feel it would be easier to remember that Christmas is about Christ if our Christmas decorations really reflected this.

What are some ways you try to keep Christ in Christmas?

Being A Stay-At-Home Mom

2009-11-10T11:06:00.000-08:00

These past few months, I have had the opportunity to have two other children in my home whom I take care of, Monday thru Friday, 7am to 4pm, and among others things, it has made me very grateful for the opportunity I have to stay home with my children. Say what you will, but in my experience there is a difference between the behavior of a child whose mother works and one whose mother stays home. This difference is especially obvious in small children.
I have not always had the opportunity to stay home. When my husband was finishing school, there were often times when I would be required to work. I always agonized over who would care for my children and was blessed to find people who shared the same values as we did. I was also blessed to be able to stay home for most of the first year after my first two children and have been home completely after my third. Even in my own children, there was a difference from when I was home with them and when I was required to work. There was even a difference between when it was my husband who was the primary one home with them. I also noticed that my attitude towards my children was different from when I worked. It volleyed between guilt over not being with them to not being able to tolerate them when I was home--they acted up more and I had less patience with them because of it.
I am very grateful that my husband has a job which allows me to stay home with my children. I know this is the reason my children are well-behaved and respectful. I wish more women had the opportunity to stay home and chose to do it. I once had a supervisor who told me she couldn't wait to get back to work after her son was born and returned as soon as he was six weeks old only because they wouldn't let her come back sooner. She felt working made her a better mom. I suppose I don't understand this rationale, but I know the world tells women they are worth more outside the home than in it and with that I whole-heartedly disagree. A mothers job is to raise her children and she is the best suited for that job. It's rather hard to do a job completely and well if you choose to be gone for most of it.

The Decline of Movies

2009-11-02T11:17:00.000-08:00

I am not an avid movie watcher. I do not race to the theaters to catch the latest flick as soon as it comes out, but I do enjoy watching good movies with my husband or my girls. I have been disappointed lately, however, with the unnecessary vulgarity and sexual innuendo. We don't watch R rated movies in general and I expect some language and sexual innuendo in PG-13 movies. I understand that sometimes it is necessary for the development of the character or the plot of the movie. What I don't understand is why it needs to be there if it's only purpose is to exist? Last night my husband and I watched the new Transformers movie. It was a good movie, but it was almost ruined for me by the excessive and completely unnecessary language and inappropriate sexual behavior by the animals. It wasn't necessary for character development or essential to the plot for the movie. It was simply there. When Monsters vs. Aliens came out on dvd we rented it to watch with our girls. It is rated PG and we figured being a kids movie it would be fine. Most of the movie was, except for the part with the couple in the car and the women trying to force the guy to have sex with her, then berating him because he wouldn't. My girls didn't understand it, thankfully, but more often than not they understand way more than I think they should. It was one my husband and I wished we had screened first. My husband has co-workers who let their small children watch R rated movies and see nothing wrong with it. I'm not one of those parents. When it comes to movies and what I think is acceptable, I suppose I'm quite prudent and I'm ok with that. I just wish movies would get a little more prudent, too.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-21T07:12:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

Selfish Parenting

2009-09-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we took our three young children (ages 6, 4 and 1)to the mall. Since it was a Saturday, it was incredibly busy. My husband was getting a new phone and since I knew it would be hard for our children to sit still that long I took them to the play area in front of the store. Mall play areas make me nervous for several reasons. One of which being that despite the fact there is a height requirement, many parents still let their older children play and the older children don't watch out for the younger ones, so I'm always fearful of the baby getting trampled. Another is that there is no seating where you have a perfect line of vision at all times, so I tend to hover over my children. Third, is occasionally you see adults sitting there unattached to a child. So, there I am with my three girls in the overcrowded play area because it's better than telling them to repeatedly not touch the items in the store and after about 20 minutes mall security comes and starts telling everyone they are closing the play area for cleaning and it will be open again in about 15 minutes. So, I start loading up my three, getting shoes back on, etc. Parents and children are leaving. On our way out I notice a little girl, maybe seven, sitting on the wall, crying and quite upset as she tells the security guard that her parents dropped her off and told her to stay in the play area until they came to get her so they could shop. Now she was being told she had to leave and she didn't know where they were. I felt quite bad for the little girl and at the same time was furious that a parent could be so selfish as to put their own desires over the safety of their child. A busy mall is no place for an unsupervised child. A mall play area is not secure--there is no one the watching the children, making sure they don't leave on their own, or only leave with the correct adult. What parent would leave their seven year old unattended in the mall so they could freely shop? Even if it was a mature seven year old or eight year old, why would you think that's ok? Perhaps I'm just overprotective. I told my husband what I had witnessed, to which he asked, "Are you really surprised? People are selfish." It saddens me that he's right. That more and more parents put their own wants and desires over their children. It angers me as well, that these children are being denied parents who parent because it is not convenient.
I think as a society in general, we've become much more selfish, looking out only for what's best for ourselves, giving in freely to our wants and desires simply because we can or we have some misguided sense of entitlement. I suppose it only makes sense that this selfishness would carry into parenting, but it makes me worried for the children of those parents.

Inspirational Quote--Choosing the Right

2009-07-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

"If we choose the right way, we are sustained in our actions by the principles of righteousness, in the which there is power from the heavens. If we choose the wrong way and act on that choice, there is no such heavenly promise or power, and we are alone and are destined to fail."

William R. Bradford, "Righteousness, Ensign," Nov. 1999, 85

Angelic Mortals

2009-07-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

“We are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us. . . . Heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind." ~Jeffrey R. Holland

Who are some of the angels in your lives?

The Lions of Lucerne

2009-07-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

A couple nights ago my husband came into our bedroom with a book a friend had given me to read. He had casually picked it up and started reading, even though it was not his usual genre of science fiction and fantasy. He was irritated at a paragraph he had just read and asked me to read it. In this particular section, the characters are Mormon and certain beliefs are attributed to them and presented as beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The fact that the author uses Mormon characters is not the issue. The matter lies in the fact that the author has wrested truths and presented them as fact. In reality, nothing he wrote about what his Mormon characters in the book believe is in actually what we as Mormons believe, but the information was presented such that someone who was not familiar with the Church would see it as fact. My husband asked me what I thought, as he was clearly agitated about it. I have been pondering this question since. Part of me wants to says it's poetic license, but I know there are many people who are more than eager to believe anything negative about our Church, and sadly they are the same people who do not take into account the credibility of their source.

Source credibility has become an increasing problem with the use of Internet and the desire to be the first with information. Many media have begun skipping fact checking on information, instead reporting heresay as truth and apologizing later when it turns out to be false. I think it is important when we are reading that we take into consideration not only where we are getting our information, but who we are getting it from. The National Enquirer does not hold the same credibility as the six o'clock news.

I am currently reading "The Red Tent." It is a very interesting book of historical fiction, but it is just that. While based on real people and real events, the story itself is not true and that is an important thing to remember. We are inundated with information all the time. Some of it is truth, some, like the story my husband is reading, is twisted to look like truth, and some is blatant lies. It is up to us as the receiver of information, to take a good look at the information and where it is coming from. And to remember that fiction, even if based on truth, is still fiction, for not all sources are created equal.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-01T11:38:00.001-07:00

The Face Behind Fear

2009-06-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

As I had previously mentioned, we are buying our first home. As with many things in life, I have found this to be one of those huge life changes where everyone focuses on the exciting or happy aspect of the end result, but fails to inform you of the craziness and anxiety in the journey to get there. After weeks of searching, putting in offers and having them rejected and beginning to feel more than a bit discouraged, we found a house and our offer was accepted. Now, one might think we should be elated, shouting for joy, ecstatic at the prospect of owning our first home. And to some degree we are, but that excitement is bubbling in the background overshadowed by the mounting anxiety of owning our first home. More than once we have second guessed ourselves, because underneath it all, there is fear. That horrid "what if" factor that nags at the back of your mind causing self doubt where once there was assurance. At the height of our anxiety, prepared to back out, we called my father-in-law, who reminded us that fear comes not from the Saviour, but from the adversary. This is a decision we had fasted and prayed about and felt was right. It was normal to feel some trepidation--we are making a life altering decision, but we needed to remember that Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, Satan does not. The fear we were feeling now was not from Heavenly Father. And recognizing the face behind the fear brought back the reassurance we needed. I once gave a lesson on having faith beyond our fears. I simply needed to be reminded.

Absence

2009-06-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been absent lately. Aside from traveling for weddings and graduations, we are in the process of purchasing our first home. So, please bear with me.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-20T14:23:00.001-07:00

Can You Do Stuff?

2009-05-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

When my husband and I were newly married, I told him one of the things I loved about him was that he "could do stuff." He looked at me rather odd, not sure if I was paying him a complement or not. I was, indeed, paying him a very high complement. Unfortunately, it sounded as though I had been given an exercise where asked to say something nice about someone and I was unable think of anything. So, I had to explain my complement. My husband is a jack of all trades. Growing up his parents encouraged learning and taught my husband many valuable skills. He can work on our vehicles, fix our minor plumbing and electrical problems (and probably the more serious one, if he was so inclined), he can solve all our computer problems, he can pretty much come up with a solution to fix anything I or our children can break, he can cook, he can sew, he can iron (which is good because I can't), he can garden, he knows how to make do in the wilderness and he can create--you get the point. I have always been impressed with the wide variety of skills and knowlege he has and I am also comforted by it.

So why I am mentioning this? We have been taught to be self-reliant and for most of us our minds automatically go to food storage and 72-hour kits and while it is important to be prepared in an emergency, we should also be prepared in our day to day lives. This means aquiring skills and knowlege that would allow us to continue to provide for ourselves and families on a daily basis.

This past year my father-in-law spoke on this topic. He asked how many of us could sew, cook from scratch, etc. and then asked us how many of the people we worked with could do the same. It is our job to constantly be aquiring skills we can use, first to benefit ourselves and families, but second, to teach those who we come in contact with so that they may also be self-reliant. We need to share our talents, but first we have to acquire them. So, I ask, can you do stuff?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-13T10:03:00.001-07:00

My Conversion Story

2009-05-07T15:50:00.001-07:00

I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for 8 years and 4 months. I thought I would share my conversion story with you. Sorry it's a bit long.

Due to some negative experiences with members of the Church, I had taken a fairly anti-mormon approach and was quite done socializing with anyone who was Mormon.

Imagine my surprise when my prom date (and now husband) turned out to be--Mormon. Since he was part hispanic, I simply assumed he was Catholic like the majority in our small town. Also, he didn't act like the other Mormons I knew. At first I was quite angry. I felt I had been misled, but he was really sweet and we began dating the fall I left for college.

From the time I had decided I was "done with Mormons", I had been given various anti-mormon literature from various churches and was convinced it was a cult. My relationship with my boyfriend grew and I realized that I wanted to be married to him (he was still a senior in high school), but his religion was a problem. I had to find a way to convince him he was part of a cult. I investigated every anti-mormon claim there was, and sent him letters filled with hundreds of questions asking him to explain. His favorite was when I asked him why his church had private investigators. (I had never heard the term "investigator" before).

I began reading the Book of Mormon looking for proof it was false and instead received a powerful testimony of its truth. I told my boyfriend of what I had learned. He was elated, but did nothing. No offers for missionaries, no invites to church. I was quite baffled. I figured once he graduated and we were attending the same college, he would then ask me to join his church.

I started going to church with him every Sunday. Since it was a student ward and I began at the beginning of a semester, no one knew I wasn't a member--not even the Bishop. By the end of the fall semester, he still hadn't asked me to take discussions and I had had enough. We were at a fireside on sharing the gospel and afterward I walked up to the sister missionaries and asked if I could take the discussions. I was baptized a month later. And we were married a little over a year after that.

I still give my husband a hard time on occassion that I had to ask myself to take the discussions.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-06T12:49:00.000-07:00

I Never Thought I'd Nurse A Toddler

2009-04-30T15:57:00.001-07:00

This post is part of a carnival hosted by Top Hat on what nursing a toddler looks like. I will be updating links as the day goes on.

If you would have asked me while I was pregnant or even after I had the baby, if I would nurse past a year, I probably wouldn't have even considered the possibility. I have three girls and I have nursed two of them into toddler hood. My first choose to wean herself at 8 months and I was saddened because I really wanted to nurse for that first year. My second I nursed until 18 months. My third, is almost 17 months and we are still going strong. I absolutely love nursing. However, nursing a toddler is so much more fun than nursing a baby. My daughter likes to tease my husband when she nurses, she'll catch his eye while nursing with this nanny-boo-boo face, that makes us both laugh. She'll make the sign for milk while nodding her head yes, and then grin as big as she can when I start pulling up my shirt. If she catches me drying off after a shower, she gets all excited, making the milk sign with both hands. When she's upset or tired, she'll nurse for comfort. She likes to vary her nursing positions: laying down, on her back, upside down, stomach to stomach, standing up, sitting up--she's quite a pro. She loves to nurse and I love the closeness it brings. I really enjoy nursing my toddler and I never thought that I would. I never pictured myself as one of "those women." You know the ones--the mother who still nurses her two year old or continues nursing her toddler while expecting her next child. The mothers even other nursing mothers frown upon because nursing is for "babies" and should be promptly stopped by one year of age.
When I was nursing my second daughter, she was failure to thrive. She simply didn't like to eat, but she would nurse and I felt that at least she was getting some nutrients. After she was a year old we were transferred to a failure to thrive clinic, where I told in round about terms, that my nursing was part of the problem. The doctor saw no reason for me to be nursing my daughter since she was over a year. "There's really no value in it," she would tell me. And while the nutritional value may have been little, it was something. And what she failed to take into consideration was the comforting factor it gave my daughter, being able to nurse, after all the many trips she spent being poked with needle after needle so they could run their tests. It eased my mind to know I could give that to her.
I never thought I would nurse a toddler, but I wouldn't trade the joy it brings for anything.

Other links:
http://motherslamentations.blogspot.com/2009/05/joys-humors-and-struggles-of.html

http://myseasideretreat.blogspot.com/2009/05/this-is-what-nursing-toddler-looks-like.html

http://melissaclee.com/2009/05/05/nursing-a-and-around-atoddler-creates-cute-stories/

http://itsallaboutthehat.blogspot.com/2009/05/comfort-in-sick-times.html

http://brightonwoman.blogspot.com/2009/05/nursing-older-toddler.html

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/05/05/nursing-a-toddler-in-a-ring-sling/

http://www.breastfeedingmomsunite.com/2009/05/the-pros-and-cons-of-breastfeeding-a-toddler/

http://blog.babyready.ca/2009/05/carnival-post-my-nursing-toddler-story.html

http://alisaterry.blogspot.com/2009/04/ready-for-my-breastfeeding-close-up.html

http://mariawj.blogspot.com/2009/04/beautiful-at-every-age.html

http://threegirlpileup.wordpress.com/2009/05/05/this-is-what-a-nursing-toddler-looks-like/
http://permissiontomother.blogspot.com/2009/05/this-is-what-toddler-nursing-looks-like.html

http://gazeintotheheavens.blogspot.com/2009/05/this-is-nursing-toddler.html

The Book That Saved My Sanity

2009-04-29T09:56:00.001-07:00

I love my children. That being said, anyone who knows me also knows my 4 year old is my "challenge" child. Allie is the one who constantly pushes me beyond my limits. On her bad days, she give me migraines and when those days are subsequent, turning into weeks with no break, she makes me rethink motherhood. And unfortunately, up until recently, her bad days far outnumbered the good. Not too long ago, we had many, many bad weeks. Weeks where she spent most of her waking hours in her room in time out, screaming how much she hated me and trying to kick her door down. Weeks where I would wonder exactly what I got myself into. I have had people tell me that you'll always love your children, but you won't always like them, and honestly, I thought they were referring to when your children were teens, not preschoolers. I would try to think of things she was good at or positive attributes and my mind would be blank. My husband mentioned one night how funny Allie was, and I thought, "Is she?" I hadn't noticed. I spent many nights praying that Heavenly Father would help me see the good in my daughter. That He would help me find just one thing and that He would give me the patience to handle her and to forgive me because I couldn't already. Slowly, I began to see her humor and we began to have occasional good days. Then, while surfing blogs I came across one talking about their spirited child and I thought, "That is Allie!" I got the book "Raising Your Spirited Child and Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook "by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and devoured them. It has helped me to better understand her behavior and see it in a more positive light. We still have our bad days, but we also have a fair share of good ones. Elder Ballard's statement, "The joy in motherhood comes in moments" has become my mantra. I repeat it to myself on an almost daily basis and constantly on the bad days. Allie is a passionate child--she puts her whole self into something, whether it be an activity or a tantrum. She is caring; she feels others emotions and responds to them strongly--she wears her heart on her sleeve, so to speak. She is persistent, creative, cautious, independent and whimsical. She has a serious outlook on life and more often than not makes me laugh. These same attributes, however, can drive me crazy.
So what is a spirited child? A normal child who is more. Most are more:

intense--They feel every emotion deeply and powerfully.
persistent--They are committed to their goals.
sensitive--They are keenly aware of sights, sounds, tastes, smells, textures, and sometimes emotions; they feel what others do not.
perceptive--They are visually attuned to the world around them; they may not "hear" directions.
slow to adapt--They hate surprises and find it challenging to shift from one thing to another.

Some are also:

irregular--Figuring out when they will need to sleep, eat, or eliminate is a daily puzzle
energetic--They're on the move. If they're not climbing or running, they're pacing, fidgeting, or taking things apart.
cautious in new situations--A quick withdrawal from anything new is very typical.
serious--They're analytical, they tend to see what needs to be fixed, and they're reserved with their smiles.

I would recommend this book to anyone with a spirited child. This isn't a "how to fix your child" book. It focuses on helping you to understand your childs behavior and giving you ways to handle it that meets both your and your childs needs. It has really helped me to be a better parent and to be more fully aware of the unique needs of my child.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-22T19:07:00.001-07:00

The Vaccination Debacle

2009-04-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

I have been contemplating for a while now on whether or not to write this post as it is quite a sensitive topic--the decision of whether or not to vaccinate ones child.

Personally, I feel much safer vaccinating my children, than not. With advances in science new vaccines are being created and more are being injected into our children than before, so I can see the concern for some parents, especially, vaccines for childhood illness we may have had. After all, we came out ok. However, these same illnesses, ie, chicken pox and rota-virus, can be fatal if caught by very young children, those with weakened immune systems or the elderly, yet to a healthy older child or adult it would simply be an inconvenience. So, for those too, I have my children vaccinated. Guardisil, is probably the only vaccine I won't get my daughters when they are old enough. Primarily because its sole purpose is to guard against cancers caused by STD and since we advocate abstinence before marriage, I feel this vaccine would be like telling my children, don't have sex, but if you do. . .which I feel is contradictory. Since it is available to women until the age of 25, if they later choose to receive it, that will be their choice.

I have no problem with those parents who vaccinate on a delayed schedule because at least they are vaccinating, but I don't quite understand why you would want to increase the time your child is susceptible to vaccine prevented diseases. I have heard many moms state that since they are a stay at home mom and their child doesn't attend day care, they don't feel the need to have their child vaccinated on schedule or at all, and I wonder, do you not take your child to the store, the park, to church, to anywhere outside your house? Children pick up germs from places other than daycare and school and while it is common for a child who starts daycare or school to get sick more often initially, it is not the only place from which children get sick.

I think there is a common misconception that when there is an outbreak, it was an un-vaccinated child who was the first infected. Generally, it is either a tourist from another country, where those vaccines are not mandated or available, or an adult in the US who hadn't been vaccinated and recently returned from traveling, and sometimes it is simply an un-vaccinated child who happened to get sick. My biggest complaint, I suppose, with parents who choose not to vaccinate is their complete disregard for the welfare of others. Yes, I do believe you have to do what you feel is best for your child, but I also feel you need to take responsibility if that will result in potentially serious, life-threatening situations for others. The problem is, most people don't realize they have something contagious or the seriousness of what they have until they have already exposed myriad people to the illness and by then it is to late. So, while you can say, "Hey, I'll pull my un-vaccinated child out of school if there is an outbreak" by the time you know there is an outbreak, your child may have already been exposed. Also, since most of the illnesses children get vaccinated for are not common, if your child does become sick, you may risk exposing others unintentionally, for example, by taking them to the emergency room or doctors office. Our measles outbreak last year originated from an individual who exposed over 200 people when they went to the emergency room for treatment. We had 18 individuals infected (9 children, 9 adult), some from that original visit who later infected others before they knew what they had. I believe its easier to not think of the consequences your actions may have on other individuals, because, hey, you don't know them and it can be harder to feel empathy for someone you don't know. But it's not only children too young to be vaccinated who are vulnerable, it is also the elderly and persons with auto-immune disorders. Does your un-vaccinated child have grandparents? Did you know you are putting them at risk? The elderly are more susceptible to illnesses and like young children, have a harder time fighting off illness and recovering. And like I mentioned earlier, not all vaccines our children get now were always given to everyone.

For the most part, since I have my children vaccinated, it doesn't bother me too much if they are around children who haven't been. Although, if there was an outbreak I would still keep them away. However, before my children are old enough to receive all vaccinations, I would consider it proper etiquette, if you don't vaccinate, to inform me and let me make the choice of whether or not I want to potentially expose my child to yours. I should have the same right to do what is best for my child and I feel if you are choosing not to vaccinate because that is what you feel is best, then you should be responsible in regards to others and informing others who may be affected negatively due to that decision is one way to show responsibility. For some mothers, it doesn't matter if their child has been vaccinated, they do not want them exposed to children who haven't been. Unless their child has some disease which would make them more susceptible, regardless of being vaccinated, (since vaccines don't necessarily mean your child absolutely won't get the illness, but only are more likely not to--but that a different post) I think it's a bit over dramatic. However, I think if you are asking people to respect your wishes to not vaccinate, then you should be willing to accept theirs to not be around your child, which could be hard to explain to your child why so-and-so can no longer play with them.

I do understand that there are rare instances where for the health of the child it is best not to vaccinate, for example, family history of serious reactions to the shots themselves, but for the most part, I don't get it. Why risk exposing your child to something that might kill them if you have the option not to? I also understand some parents are worried about autism, but aside from the fact that autism presents itself in both vaccinated and un-vaccinated children and there has been no scientific link between autism and the MMR vaccine, it's still only one shot. Why not get the others? I can also understand not getting relatively new vaccines since sometimes side effects take years to be noticed, but again, why not get the others?

The more people who choose not to vaccinate, the more likely it is that there will be a resurgence of the very illness those vaccines prevent. Until a disease has been completely eradicated, it is simply not safe to discontinue the vaccine.

How We Educate--Pt. 4, Charter Schools

2009-04-14T09:30:00.001-07:00

If you are looking for an alternative to public schools, charter schools can be an option. However, not all charter schools are created equal, so you'll want to be sure you do your homework. We had originally planned to send our daughter to a charter school, but pulled her out last minute because it didn't feel right. I have friends who did send their children to the same school and have been very happy with it.

Here are some of the pros to charter schools:

Many (but not all) have a smaller student/teacher ratio meaning more one on one time
Charter schools often offer a more divers curriculum, with subjects such as archery or karate for students
They can accept students outside their district boundaries
Depending on the school, there may be a religious undertone
Children in charter schools typically test higher than their public school counterparts
Because of limited enrollment and smaller campuses, violent crimes are usually fewer
Smaller campuses lead to a more community-like atmosphere
There is generally more parent involvement and parent participation is either highly encouraged or required

Cons to a charter school:

They are not required to meet state standards for education or to have certified teachers
When children fail at public school due to discipline problems, charter schools are often the next step, making the school discipline orientated
They can be expensive--even though most are "free" teachers often send home supply lists that require $200 in supplies per student and there are continuous requests for donations
Free lunch programs or other financial assistance programs are generally not available
Most do not provide transportation to and from school
Many do not have an after school program
Most do not have the resources to deal with disabled students or non-native English speakers
Depending on the school, there may be a religious undertone
Some require a certain number of parent volunteer hours or cash donations

Charter schools can be a good alternative to public schools and less expensive than private schools. If you are considering a charter school, it is best to visit the schools campus, sit in on a class, and ask about their education philosophy, then prayerfully decide if it is the right decision for your child. Not all charter schools are equal and some are much better than others.

Make Your Own Laundry Detergent

2009-04-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

Part of being a prudent woman is frugal living and today I made my own laundry detergent. I had never even really thought about this, but then I saw a recipe for it here and it not only looked super easy, but was really cheap--like $2.50 for 160 loads. Their recipe was for liquid, so if you prefer a liquid detergent, then you can visit their site. I like powdered better, so that's what I made. If you would like to make your own detergent and save a ton of money here's how:

You'll need (for approx 480 loads):
Borax--$3-$4
Zote--$1
Arm & Hammer Washing Soda--$3-$4 (NOT Baking soda)
this can be found in grocery stores, the top two at Walmart

Grate the bar of Zote. Add 3 cups of Borax and 3 cups of Baking Soda. Place in food processor to chop Zote into finer pieces. (The other two help make the Zote not so waxy, so it doesn't stick to your blades.)

Viola! You are now done. Place it in a sealable container. Use 1 tablespoon for small and medium loads and 2 tablespoons for large loads. Also, the dry detergent works best washing in warm or hot water (the soap may not dissolve all the way in cold), so if you wash in cold a lot you might try the liquid.

You will still have enough Washing Soda and Borax to do another batch, you will just need to get another bar of Zote.

(I took pictures, but am having trouble getting the camera to upload, so when I fix that I'll add them.)

How We Educate, Pt 3--Public School

2009-04-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

The most common choice for most parents and the one almost always available is public school. I will be honest, this was our absolute last choice. In no circumstances did I want to send my child to public school, but it turned out to be the right choice for us.

Because public schools are government funded based on enrollment, among other things, where you live has a lot to do with how good the school will be. If the school district you are in has closed enrollment (your child is only allowed to go to the school in your boundaries), then there isn't a lot of choice you have if you choose to go this route. Your best hope is that your child gets a good teacher, as the teacher can make all the difference regardless of the school settings. If your district has open enrollment, like ours does, then you can research the different schools, see which ones have higher ratings, better teachers, better neighborhood, lower student/teacher ratio, etc. and make your choice.

One of the down/up sides to public school is that every child is accepted. This means, the school cannot turn away a child. This is great in that it allows every child to receive an education, however mediocre. It also means that since most public schools are underfunded, their inability to turn away students can result in higher student/teacher ratios and less programs available to help the students. Ideally, you want a low student/teacher ratio. This means the teacher has more one-on-one time with each student and is better able to meet the needs of each individual student. In the best cases, teachers of Kindergarten, First and Second grade will also have a full or part time teachers aide. Children at this age require a lot of one-on-one instruction and this is easier for the teacher to accomplish if s/he has someone to help. Unfortunately, these are some of the first positions to go when budget cuts come up. Other areas are the performing arts, librarians, computer teachers, sports and after school programs, and text books that should be updated but then aren't.

Another pro/con is that children are exposed to lifestyles that may be drastically different than yours. I believe it's good that children be exposed to diversity. It helps them realize that even though we are all different and may have differing views and beliefs, those things make us unique and we can still be friends with someone who believes or thinks differently than we do. Dealing with some types of diversity can also be challenging. This year my daughter has a little girl in her class from China. I enjoy the opportunity she has to learn about the differences between her culture and the Chinese culture. One issue we faced, however, was the information this little girl gave my daughter that in China they do not like girls, and so they kill girl babies, because boys are better. It took some careful parenting skills on our end; we didn't want our daughter believing that all Chinese people hated girl babies and killed them. Older students are also more likely to be exposed to alternative lifestyles.

Another pro/con is that you have no control over the curriculum. In the few states where gay marriage is legal, for example, it is also a requirement that homosexuality be taught in the public school system as early as Kindergarten. I personally, would not want my daughter learning that homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle and would not send her to public school if it was part of the curriculum. This year my daughter learned about Martin Luther King, Jr. and why he was important. My husband and I both thought slavery and racism were too complex a topic for a 5 year old to really grasp and she didn't fully, she did understand that he helped bring peace. On the other hand, as your child reaches middle and high school, they have the opportunity to be taught by teachers who are passionate about their subjects and can help instill that passion in your child. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

Standardized testing is another issue many parents who are opposed to public schools have. Many schools are more focused on getting good test scores, that they teach so children can pass the test, but they don't so much educate the child.

Lastly, even in the best public schools there is a greater chance of violence. Whether it be children teasing another child or carrying weapons and drugs to school. I have a friend who teaches fourth grade and had to deal with a gang problem in her class last year. It is ultimately ridiculous. Becoming involved in your child's school and having a good relationship with your child's teacher and your child, should help to keep you aware if any of these issues might be a problem at your school or for your child.

I have found in public school that a lot depends on the teacher. A good teacher can make all the difference as to whether or not your child has a good school experience. A supportive principal is also necessary. If the teacher and principal are there for the kids it really shows.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-01T09:20:00.001-07:00

In my water grate.

How We Educate, Pt2--Homeschooling

2009-03-25T14:41:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying I believe every child in some regard should be home schooled, although not in the traditional sense of the word. I believe education should take place first and foremost in the home, whether this comes as formal school training or just as supplemental education is the difference. I do think there are reasons both for and against homeschooling. For us, it isn't something we would do if there is another option that would work. It is not that I am against homeschooling--I did teach my daughter to read and add before kindergarten--it just isn't the best option for us.

There are many different reasons parents choose to home school. Here are some of the most common I hear:

You have greater flexibility, not only with scheduling, but also with the pace you teach. More emphasis can be placed and time spent on subjects that are taking longer to learn and concepts easily learned can be taught at a faster pace.

You have more time to spend with your children and you know exactly what your child is learning. I will admit when my daughter started full day kindergarten, I missed her, and in the beginning she was torn between all the fun things she was getting to do at school with missing out on things I would do with her younger siblings while she was away, but she got over it quickly--school was much more exciting than home.

At home, there is no separation of church and state. I have to admit, and most home-schoolers might disagree, but I don't want the school system teaching my child religion. I think that religious beliefs should be taught in the home and at church. Yes, I think if a child wants to pray at school,etc. they should be allowed, but I don't think a spectacle needs to be made of it. I don't think there should be group prayer or religion classes offered. There are so many different faiths and beliefs that there is no way the public school system could effectively teach to placate each one, nor should they be made to. Also, we are to be a light unto the world and I believe children have some of the purest and most sincere testimonies. If we keep them at home, we are withholding the light of Christ in our child with those they could be sharing it with. For her first show and tell this year my daughter brought her Book of Mormon and shared the story of the Liahona. The world, and our schools, needs righteous examples. I know many teachers who can always pick out their LDS students because they have such a different countenance from the rest of the class. To that teacher they are an example, to their classmates they are an example. Yes, they can be an example in their homes, but the effect is not the same. I also think religious diversity is a good thing. I have enjoyed the exposure my daughter has had to different faiths at school and the opportunity it has given us to teach and reinforce what we believe and why.

Another reason given is that the schools available are inadequate in what they teach or their child was not doing well in the standard school system. I have had friends who pulled their child out to home school for this reason, and when the situation changed or resolved itself, put them back in.

The last reason I hear most often is the "fear factor." The world is a scary place and becoming more and more unrighteous. I was quite nervous to send my daughter to public school for this reason, however, in an unrighteous world it is even more important to have righteous examples. We cannot shield our children from everything; they must be allowed to experience life. Sometimes it is important to overcome our fears for this to happen. Now, if I ever felt my daughters safety was an issue, whether it be physically or mentally, I would not hesitate to act, but thus far we have had a good experience.

One of the biggest arguments I often hear against homeschooling is that the children are socially inept. I have friends who were home schooled--they are perfectly normal, social people. I had friends who went to public school--they are socially inept. I do not think one brings on the other. I do think that it is important if you decide to home school to make sure your child is given opportunities to experience diversity; it is important that children meet and interact with people who have different beliefs and customs. This allows them to foster tolerance and to better understand their own beliefs and customs.

Most importantly, I think, is to take into account the individual child and situation and prayerfully make a decision. What is best for one child may not be for another.

How We Educate, Part 1

2009-03-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

Education is one of the many things I am quite passionate about. At times, I think I probably come across as an education snob, and not always in a good way. When my daughter got ready to start school, we researched many options. I thought I would share my findings and in several posts explain my differing views on various forms and ideas of education. Feel free to agree or disagree.

I feel that it is very important to instill in children in a young age a love for learning. Part of this is letting them see how much you value education. A child who sees his parents reading, will learn that reading is desirable and enjoyable. If your child hears you talk about how much you hated school as a child, your child will learn to hate school. Our children pick up on our prejudices, whether we want them to or not.

We need to teach them that learning is fun and exciting. If you go to the zoo, teach them a little about the animals they see. If you are waiting in line at the grocery store, ask them to name all the things in the cart that start with the letter 'c.' It is important that we help children view learning as something to enjoy and not a chore that must eventually be accomplished.

We need to praise our children not only for the success, but for the attempt. This is very important for instilling confidence. Confidence is key in teaching our children to love learning. We want them to try new things, not be afraid to because they worry they won't be able to do it. Our children need to know that it is ok to fail. Sometimes we all fail when trying something for the first time. However, there is a difference if we are criticized for failing as opposed to encouraged to try again. We need to encourage, not criticize. I feel a child who knows it is ok if he doesn't succeed does better than the one who feels he cannot fail. We do not want our children thinking they are not good enough if they cannot get it right. We need them to know we will help them get it right and love them regardless. This is not teaching our child to be a quitter, but to persevere through the failures until it becomes a success. It is telling them to try, try, again, while we encourage how well they've done and express reassurance that we know they will eventually be able to do it.

Pool Garden

2009-03-19T12:23:00.001-07:00

Spring is here--well, at least where I live--and the time to start planning is upon us. I would like to start with the disclaimer that I am a horrid gardener; living in the desert doesn't help. However, fail or not, each year I attempt to plant something. Since we live in an apartment and have only a small patio, this requires a lot of imagination. This year we decided to use a small child's plastic pool for our potter. I found this was the most inexpensive way to get a planter that would be large enough to hold all the plants. We drilled holes in the bottom and filled it with 3 cubic feet of dirt. I was able to plant 3 bell pepper plants and 9 tomato plants. I love having a garden, even if on most occasions I kill it before it grows anything. My children also enjoy being able to watch it grow and I enjoy the teaching opportunities it provides. And if all goes well, we will have two of our favorite foods to eat we grew with our own hands, thereby eliminating any samonella/e.coli scares or crop failures that tend to send prices soaring.

Abandoning Innocense

2009-03-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

More and more I see society pushing our young children to look and act much older than their years. Clothing for grade school and middle school girls (Can't comment much on boys, as I don't have any, but I doubt it's much different.) are being designed to emulate those worn by older teens and women in their twenties. Girls as young as 10 and 11 are wearing make-up on a daily basis in an attempt to look older or "sexier." Salons are reporting that the age of girls first salon visit for highlighting, nails, and even a bikini wax has become younger, with some being as young as eight years old. I have to try hard not to condemn those mothers who are allowing thier daughters to participate in behavior advanced of their age, but I cannot fathom what 12 year old would need a bikini wax or why as a mother you would allow that. I can understand that some mothers may see a salon visit as good mother/daughter bonding, but I think it needs to remain appropriate for their age and should be seen as an occasional treat, not a necessity. I have three very girly girls who are positively thrilled when an aunt or cousin paints their nails or puts make-up on them, but the make-up comes off if we have to leave the house and the nail painting is a rare treat. My husband and I also do our best to teach them that they are beautiful without it. I think it's sad that more and more girls who fall into the tween category are dating and trying to act much older than they are. Yet, sadder is that those who dress and act their age are labeled "immature" or made fun of. Why, as a society, would we frown upon a 10 year old looking like a 10 year old instead of a 17 year old? Why the rush for our children to shed their innocense? But more importantly, where are the mothers? I understand some moms feel it important to be a friend to their children; however, it is more important to be a mother first. As a mother, I feel it is my duty to teach my daughters modesty and to instill in them a sence of self worth that is not directly linked to their outward appearance. Thankfully, I am not yet raising a tween, but it is not far off. As women, and most especially, as mothers, it is our job to instill values in our daughters. It is our job when they show up scantily clad, to point out that it is not flattering or attractive and to praise them when they dress appropriate for their age. We should be encouraging them to take advantage of their youth, to delight in the innocent view of the world only the young can know, not thrusting them into adulthood as fast as we can manage with all the evil and seduction it entails. The other day, my four year old told me I was a mean mom because I wouldn't let her do whatever she wanted and made her follow rules. I found the insult rather complementing because it meant I am doing my job. I expect as she gets older, I will appear even meaner because I will expect her to dress and act her age and when all her middle school and junior high friends are wearing make-up, donning mid-driffs, or whatever the current fashion is, and talking about dating, she will be bare faced, modestly dressed and spending her time boy free, but she won't be lamenting a lost childhood.

It's Not About Big Love

2009-03-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have debated doing this post, in part, because I do not want to validate or give the recognition obviously being sought by such action. But then I realized this really isn't about Big Love, it's about how we choose to deal with adversity. (For those out of the loop, the shows writers will apparently depict what they believe to be Temple ordinances.) The Church has endured adversity before. In fact, I feel more so this year than any other recently. At times, it makes me anxious, constantly feeling those things I hold most sacred and intimate are always under attack. But then I pray, and I read the scriptures or an ensign article and always, the message is the same, there's no need to fear. We do not need to allow ourselves to be intimidated. I do not watch Big Love, nor will I do so. I also will not allow their or anyone elses attempt to trivialize my beliefs to bother me. It is not I who will be held accountable. How we as members of the Church choose to act regarding this will hold more weight with those who know us, than the episode itself. Elder M. Russell Ballard and Elder Robert D Hales have both asked that members remember to act with dignity and thoughtfulness when expressing ourselves over things such as these. The Church will prevail and in the end, this one episode will be of little consequence. But while we wait for the media storm to pass over, let us conduct ourselves like disciples of Christ.

The Church issued an official statement. You can go here to read it.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

The Green Approach To Family Planning

2009-03-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

I was reading this article today off of MSN. The title, "What's the Greenest Form of Birth Control," intrigued my curiousity. I have my degree in economics with an emphasis in environmental and resource economics, but I am by no means a green expert. I weigh the costs and benefits of each issue and I do what I can within reason, but I don't go out of my way, for example, to buy a more expensive "green" item. To me, the cost just outweighs the benefit. If others choose to, that is their perogative, and I am perfectly fine with that. Having never even considered birth control a green issue, I wanted to see what was to be said on it. Ultimately, the author concluded that any birth control was a greener approach than having a child, since "No matter what type you choose, it's guaranteed to have less of an impact on the environment than the unwitting creation of a fossil-fuel burning, diaper-wearing copy of yourself."

I was astounded and I must admit I pondered on it for quite a while before I realized exactly why I took offence. The Lord would not have comanded us to "multiply and replenish the earth" if we were not meant to do so. The catch to that, of course, is that under Heavenly Father's plan, children were only meant to be brought to this earth to husband and wife. Population control is another cunning device used by Satan to thwart the plan of happiness. I agree that each of us should work harder to care for the earth we were given, but we should remember that we came here to gain a body and to help other spirit children of our Heavenly Father to do the same. Limiting the number of children we welcome into our families is not the answer. All issues related to over-population can be remedied with ingenuity and dedication. Our focus should be to raise those children with righteous desires so that our future and theirs may be blessed.

The Professional Mother

2009-03-06T12:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish life was more like fiction. I'm an avid reader and quite a fan of Nora Roberts series, In Death, that she writes as J.D. Robb. It is a futuristic detective series and in it she explores the realm of professional motherhood. Women with children can opt to stay home and raise their children while getting paid for it. They, of course, must first apply for professional mother status and after that the government pays them to stay home and raise their children. I have been both a working mother and a stay at home mom. Both have thier pros and cons, but hands down, being able to stay home with my children wins. Say what you may, but to me it is much harder to be a stay at home mom. It is a much more challenging, demanding and exhausting job. I wish so many people did not belittle the role stay at home moms play. Our job is one of the most important. I think it would be wonderful if mothers were compensated for their worth. I think it would be wonderful if women were given the option of staying home to raise their family as a career.
Their are many women who work because they have to, but what if they didn't? I know some women choose to work because to them it validates their worth. It serves as proving to themselves they are worth something--they are making a contribution. Would they still feel the need to work away from home if they were being paid to stay home?

Thanktamony Sunday

2009-02-27T12:07:00.000-08:00

I must confess that each month I dread that first Sunday--that special Sunday reserved for testimonies. I would not mind it if actual testimonies were borne, but to so many it is no different than open mic night at the local coffee house. There have been several talks and articles delivered on what constitutes a testimony, but they continue to fall on deaf ears. I dislike that I become part of a forced audience listening to health updates, and "thanktamonies," missionary stories, and "what I did this week" talks, instead of testimonies on the priesthood, missionary work, Christ, etc. I have even sat through a testimony meeting where I have been preached to on the importance of family history.

It saddens me that members don't understand the power in their words. A true testimony is very powerful when borne as it allows the Spirit to testify of the truthfulness of the words being spoken. There is a very big difference between knowing the gospel is true and being grateful for the gospel. The Spirit can not testify to others the things you are grateful for. What's even sadder is the number of "testimonies" that never even mention Christ. It is not a testimony if Christ is never mentioned.

What is worse is that we are teaching our children how to give "thanktamonies" instead of bearing their testimonies. How often have we heard a child start or include in their testimony, "I am thankful for my parents" or similar adage. As parents we need to be teaching our children the proper way to bear a testimony, which makes it hard to do when what they are being told at home is contradictory to what they are seeing at church.

There is a saying, "Brevity is the source of wit." I think this very much applies to testimonies. They should be short and concise. They should be full of the things you know to be true. Personal stories are not needed--it does not matter how you came to gain the testimony, but that you have it. Imagine the difference in testimony meetings if personal stories and the words "grateful" and "thankful" were banned. Imagine if every member who got up actually bore solemn testimony of the things they know to be true. What a powerful Spirit would be present.

Today I Am Blessed

2009-02-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Maya Angelou's Letter To My Daughter. It is a wonderful book. I just thought I would share one of the quotes I liked from it:

"The ship of my life may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights. I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow.

Today I am blessed."

Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in all that is wrong, it is hard to remember all the things we have to be grateful for, even though those are when we need to remember most. I loved the part about putting off being pesimistic until tomorrow. We put off so many other things, why not something as useless as this.

I Believe in Christ. . .But That's It

2009-02-20T17:11:00.000-08:00

I am constantly amazed at the numberless concourses of people who do not understand the difference between believing in Jesus Christ and having faith in Jesus Christ, for the two are not the same. One cannot have faith without belief and hope, but you can believe without having faith. There are many people who believe in Christ and continue to live their lives according to their own wants and desires. I must confess prior to my conversion to the Church I fell amongst this group. With so many churches teaching that believing in Christ is all that is necessary, I suppose I should not be surprised. Perhaps they simply do not understand the importance between the two, for faith in Christ compels one to action. It is what creates the desire to repent and to lead a Christlike life. I can only imagine the change that would take place in the world if all those who believed began to also have faith.

Instant Marriage

2009-02-18T12:41:00.000-08:00

The other day while having a conversation with a friend, the topic of marriage came up. My friend and her husband had spent the weekend away with another married couple whom they were friends with. She had remarked that they didn't have many friends left who were still married to do things with. Many of them had been divorced. I commented having read somewhere that most marriages nowadays last on average two years and we both lamented the deterioration of the sanctity of marriage.

We live in an "instant" society were we expect to get what we want when we want it with no hard work or effort. Unfortunately, too many people also want an "instant" marriage and when they realize that a good marriage will not come without a lot of effort for both people, they simply "opt-out." I find it disheartening that we live in a society where individuals enter a marriage where divorce is an option from the very beginning. All marriages will have problems, but what makes a marriage is the collaborative effort to overcome those obstacles. What chance does any marriage have if both parties have already agreed to bail ship at the first storm?

A while back there was a radio show discussing the impact the economy was having on divorces. Apparently, many couples are choosing to stay married because it is too expensive to get divorced. While I find it sad that money is the only motivation these couples have for staying together, part of me is glad they are being forced to give their marriage another chance. Perhaps some will weather through it; most likely, many won't and that I find terribly sad.

Recognize Me

2009-02-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article the other day on the Possum Trot adoptions in Texas. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, a small town preacher convinced members of his congregation to adopt 72 of the most abused and neglected children in the foster system. They received a lot of recognition when they did so; however, like most things, their story had started to fade into the background leaving them to live the life they chose. I was a bit put off by the preacher, who came across in the interview as simply wanting the accolades of his fellow man for a job well done. In it he expresses his disgust that they have not even received a thank you letter from the neighboring towns and congregations for the recognition that he brought to the town. I pitty him if his main motivation behind this was the recognition he hoped to receive from others and I hope that those members in the congregation who adopted those children did so with the child in mind and not the praise they may or may not receive. It is a very hard thing these people chose to do and I wish them all the best regardless.

A couple years ago I had a friend who along with some other friends had decided to do a secret santa for a family who was having a rough time. They all met to put together the gift basket each bringing the items they had purchased. My friend was shocked to find they had each wrapped the gifts and then labeled them with who they were from. It totally defeats the point of a secret santa which is to give annonymously. These women simply couldn't fathom that the recipients wouldn't know who had done this wonderful thing for them.

Is it not enough to do a good deed for the sole purpose that it is good? Is it really only worth doing if we receive some sort of acknowledgement, a pat on the back for a job well done? It seems to me that giving, whether it be of ourselves or our resources, should be a selfless act--one that requires nothing in return.

Irony?

2009-01-24T16:36:00.000-08:00

I find it ironic that if a woman gets pregnant and the father decides not to support the baby, he is labeled a dead-beat dad and legal action is taken to force him to take responsibility. Regardless of whether or not he wanted the pregnancy to commence. However, if a woman decides she doesn't want the baby, regardless of the wishes of the father, she is allowed to terminate and there are no undue consequences. No legal action is taken. She is considered having made a responsible choice regarding her right to bear life. She is not labeled a dead-beat mom. I ask, which is worse the father who abandons an unwanted child or the mother who kills it?

She Wore An Itty Bitty, Teeny Weenie. . .

2009-01-14T12:22:00.000-08:00

Normally, I do not watch tv. Last night was a wonderful reminder of precisely why. While waiting for my husband to complete work and unwinding as I put our youngest to bed, I switched on the tv. On came the American Idol tryouts. Knowing that nothing good can be found from reality tv, I most likely should have flipped to something else. However, I enjoy music and it was slightly entertaining. I am aware modesty is becoming a lost art and yet, still I was a bit disgusted when one of the contestants showed up in a bikini. She was a vapid little thing and her personality left much to be desired. Her singing was mediocre, but what disgusted me most was her blatant attempt to use her body to achieve something that should have relied solely on talent, and more so the fact that it worked. I find it distressing when young women use such blatant sex appeal to achieve their desires instead of working toward their goal. Even more so, that it is an acceptable way to achieve that goal. What message is being sent to our youth? Don't worry at working toward what you want, for as long as you're sexy the world is yours to command. Is it no wonder we now have 11 and 12 year olds dresssing and acting so much older than their age. As a woman, I do not find it necessary to dress as to appear mostly naked to be viewed as "sexy." In fact, I feel one can appear quite sexy being modestly dressed and it is disappointing that this is not the viewpoint being presented to our young women, as well as our young men. For men need to show that they find a modestly dressed woman attractive, which is not accomplished when they are ogling one half naked. I also felt quite sorry for Ryan Seacrest when she molested him afterwards, but that is a post for another day.

On Education and the Montessori System

2009-01-12T15:11:00.000-08:00

This year, several of my friends, including myself, sent our oldest children off to kindergarten. The spring and summer prior was spent researching schools and education systems to ensure our child got the best start. Much effort went into research and in the end the four of us all sent our children to schools with different philosophies on education. One went to a charter school that emphasized art, another to a charter school that had a family values system, we choose a public school in the district with a high rating and good parental reviews, and the last sent her child to a montessori school. I was a bit dismayed when speaking with my last friend on how she was enjoying the montessori system. She confessed that while overall she like the philosophy, she disliked that they refused to tell her precisely what her child was working on. Sure there were the vague topics (ie, this week we're learning about cinnamon), but absolutely refused any detailed explanations because their belief was that school and school work should only take place at shcool and they did not want parents working with their children on school related education at home. I was completely shocked by this. Why would you outright discourage a parent to be involved in their childs education at home? In fact, if more parents took an active roll in teaching their children at home, children would do much better in their educational career overall. We have been counselled to make our homes a "house of learning" (D&C 88:119). This applies to both the spiritual and secular. Our childrens educational experience should be enhanced in our home, not forbidden. President Monson taught that "the most significant of all classrooms is the classroom of the home." I know that montessori schools vary in the principles they choose to teach depending on the actual school you send your child to and I do not know if my friend will continue to send her child to a montessori school, but I can say that in her place, I would not.

Forgoing Perfection

2009-01-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

In years past I have found myself making (and breaking) the same trite resolutions regarding health, spirituality, family life, etc. Generally they are based on how I would like to perceive myself and not so much on what I can realistically achieve. My goals aim too much for perfection, which in the end only sets me up to fail. So this year, I am forgoing those resolutions. I will not be attempting to lose weight, always have a spotless house, or have 100% Family Home Evenings. Instead I have chosen to two realistic goals that I would like to achieve and have devised a course of action that I can easily follow to help me reach them. The first is to decrease the amount of credit card debt I currently have. Since I know I cannot reasonably eredicate all of it in one year, my goal is to pay extra each month on the lowest balance and roll that amount over to the next card. The second is to build up my three month supply by setting aside normal grocery money to use toward obtaining my it. Forgoing perfection, what are you striving for this year?

What Consequence?

2009-01-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

I find it somewhat surprising at the vast amount of adults who fail to take responsiblity for their own actions and the consequences thereof. I'm not completely sure if they simply fail to recognize the relationship between what occured as a result of the choice or choices they made or if they honestly believe every undesirable event is the fault of someone else while all desirable outcomes are their own doing. Perhaps it is simply easier to blame someone or something else instead of admit that you made a wrong decision. I will admit that there are always those circumstances which we cannot control, but we are still responsible for the choices we make in those circumstances, whether they be good or bad. I do not think it right to say that because the circumstances regarding the choice you made were not good you should not be responsible for any negative outcome which resulted.

Gratitude and Compassion

2008-12-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot of conversations lately regarding the mass amount of layoffs in our country. I have found that most people fall into two categories: those who are grateful to have a job and those who feel they deserve the job they have. I suppose there may be some who fall into both categories. I have found that those who feel they deserve their job find the others gratitude as simply a mask for guilt that they have a job while another does not. I do not feel that guilt is the correct emotion, but perhaps compassion--an understanding that it could have been you and gratitude for the job you still hold because next time it might be. I think there is a misconception among some that those who have been laid off were so because they as an individual were invaluable to the company with which they worked and that is not always the case. In some cases it is a whole department which is cut, regardless if you are the best or worst at your job. In others, it is everyone who was hired within a certain time frame. Regardless of the reason, I do not think it is wrong for those who still have their job after such a layoff to feel compassion for those affected or gratitude that it was not them. We should be gracious for all we have, since it can easily be us who find ourselves without.

Where is Christ?

2008-12-09T18:38:00.000-08:00

I recently needed a children's book on the first Christmas for a lesson I was doing with our Joy School group. Since we hadn't yet retrieved our Christmas items from storage, I went to our local library. I was surprised as 9 out of 10 children's books that were listed were about a secular Christmas--Santa was everywhere. There were few books that actually mentioned the real first Christmas or Christ at all, and most of which did had been checked out and there was a waiting list. I was saddened that I could not find a book about what Christmas really is about--Christ. I am not anti-Santa, but I do feel that he should play a very small part in our Christmas. We let our children believe in Santa, but we present him as an example of a giver and one of charity. With all the hoopla about Santa, it makes it even more important to teach our children the true meaning of Christmas. This year we had our oldest two pick out a toy to donate to Toys for Tots. It provided a great teaching opportunity as a way to show them that the joy in presents for Christmas is not in the getting but in the giving. I am looking forward to Christmas day when we all get up and before opening presents, sit down as a family and read the Christmas story. We have all the versus broken up onto numbered ornaments and after each verse is read, the ornament is then placed on the tree. It is a tradition I look forward to every year.

The Sound of Ignorance--LOUD

2008-12-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

I have often found it interesting that those who appear the most ignorant are also the most opinionated and have the most desire to make sure their opinions are voiced and heard. What scares me is the vast amount of people this applies to. People who do not question the source of any information they receive--the supermarket tabloid is just as reliable as the news--and every fact goes unchecked. Facts and opinions bear the same weight with preference given to the one that further proves their point. Any information contradictory is quickly tossed out regardless of its truth. I would think that one in such a position would not be so anxious to display the vast amount of ignorance s/he posesses. Perhaps by being the most vocal they feel they are compensating for their lack of knowledge, but then that too only goes to further prove how ignorant they really are.

Tolerance

2008-11-06T12:10:00.000-08:00

I do not feel that it is necessary to sacrifice my morals to gain the acceptance of others nor do I feel that I should have to compromise my beliefs. Within todays society, the word tolerant is thrown around quite freely and the meaning wrested. In fact, those with looser moral standards quite often feel that unless you are willing to agree with them and the choices they choose to make, then you are intolerant of others. I say that I am not intolerant. To be tolerant does not mean I have to agree, only that I must respect the opinions and practices of others. I choose to stand up for what I believe in. I can like the person, without liking the action chosen.